REASON #492 THAT I DON'T DRINK. EVER.
OK, in all my years of flying this has never ever happened to me and I hope it never has to happen to anyone.
It involved this couple on the flight. The guy's TV set wasn't working properly or something and he started getting angry. I reckon (from what I understand of Japanese) that he managed to complain enough to get him and his wife 2 small bottles of wine for free. He downs them both by himself. TV still ain't working so he starts taking out his frustration on the hardware....slamming the TV back into into the armrest. He then goes to the bathroom. He returns. And continues to take out his frustration now on HIS WIFE. He pulls her by the hair down into his lap and starts whaling her on the head! It looked like play fighting and I wasn't sure if it was real or not but it was cuz he starts screaming in her ear while hitting her in the head!
He stops and some attendants are notified to try and calm him down. He is either extremely drunk or has some kind of mental disorder like Tourette's or Autism. The flight attendant then asks me (ME?!) to "keep an eye on him". (I'm sitting a row behind and across the aisle from him.) Dude then gets up and follows the flight attendant into first class section. I can't see what's going on now because they are in the galley. All of sudden she pops her head out and waves me down for help! I was like, "uh me??!?" So I run down the aisle into First and they are in a very intense screaming match. She hands me these plastic handcuffs and says if he gets out of line; RESTRAIN HIM. I was like "Umm...aren't there supposed to be air marshals or some shit!!?" But actually I just said, "OK." (Last 3 episodes of "24" and "United 93" got me amped I guess!) Two other guys came to help just in case something went down. When he saw he was surrounded by 3 guys, he started to calm himself and went back to his seat. From there, it was a tense filled 20 minutes of watching his every move. We made him understand that if he has one more outbreak, we would have to cuff him which automatically means we would have to divert the plane to Alaska or some shit. The captains and F.A.'s were torn between whether we should cuff right then and there or wait for another outbreak. I personally wanted to wait. He seemed to have calmed and with the 3 dudes all around him, there was little damage he could do. (Luckily he wasn't sitting near a door or anything.) The last thing I wanted was to divert this flight on account of a drunk ass wifebeater.
So anyway, he passes out for most of the rest of the flight. At this point, the wife has been separated and she sits in the back of the plane. About an hour before we land he finally wakes up, and for some reason, the wife comes come back to sit with him. I thought this was a bad idea. He starts at it again! He grabs her by the arm and starts shaking her...so again...we intervene. Captain comes out and explains to him once more. This time the asshole stands up and we surround him. We try and separate his wife once more and he tries to push his way thru us. That's when it got physical. 2 guys spin him around...pin him to the wall while I got the cuffs and restrained him. He was going nuts! We cleared an entire aisle and I had to DUCT TAPE his upper body into the seat WITH cuffs on! From there, me and one other guy sat next to him the entire rest of the way down.
When we landed, NYPD immediately came on board and made the arrest. Welcome to NYC muthafucka!
From there it was about an hour of questioning with the NYPD, FBI and the Attorney General's office. Gave my side of the story and they let me go. I knew deep down it was a waste of time because tonight, tomorrow, of whenever that couple was alone, it was OVER for her. Look at what dude did on a public airplane! Imagine what he does in private....She did NOT want to press charges. FBI said if she did, he would go straight to prison in NY. She said no. The typical abused woman syndrome. It was horrifying and sad to witness in real life. I wanted to beat the crap out of the guy (I DID get to use some dope Jack Bauer type choke holds on him tho. That was kinda fun.) but I also wanted to slap the wife. Some things go deeper than common sense.
As a gesture of good will and gratitude the head Flight Attendant offered me some meal voucher tickets, 1000 miles on my AAdvantage Miles account and ironically, a bottle of red wine valued at over $100. In fact, almost EVERY flight attendant offered me freebies by way of alcoholic beverages...beer, wine, vodka, etc. Finally they resorted to giving me bags of cookies and chips. Can you really blame the existence of a man like this when we live in a society where acts of chivalry are rewarded with unlimited liquor? Umm, yeah... Dude was just an asshole.
Not 1 arrest on this flight, but 2 kids!
So after the whole ordeal this (very heavyset) woman from First Class kept naggin me, "What happened? What's going on? Why is he doing that? What's the problem?" I guess whenever there is a crisis situation, there is always the nag and she was definitely it. Then she comes back and starts talking how courageous I was being, blah, blah, blah...Meanwhile, speaking REALLY loud, and to be honest, I thought she was gonna wake our "Ike and Tina Turner" friend up. I was just trying to be cordial...you know, grinning and nodding... Thank god a flight attendant came and told her to get back to her First Class area. Bitch comes back again! This time, she's standing up doing a little dance! I swear, you cannot make this shit up! She's like..."skwerming"...is the best way I can describe. Almost like a shivering action...but more deliberate. I was really freaked out! She gets told AGAIN to go back! At this point, she goes into the bathroom...to start SMOKING! The smoke detector goes off, they bust into the bathroom and tell her that SHE will now be arrested upon landing. REASON #314 THAT I DON'T SMOKE EITHER.
Thank god you need other people to play poker, otherwise I might be like one of these vice-ridden neanderthals.
PS: I know this story is almost too crazy to believe. So here's some evidence. Anything for Darrin Hudson!!
THE ABUSER. After I duct taped his ass to the seat. You can't see but I also cuffed him as well. This is after I put my elbow into his Adam's Apple a la Jack Bauer.
The "siutation room" at JFK. Spy cam steez.